hey! thanks for sharing. such an interesting topic.
i too have recently questioned my urge to journal the bad things that happen to me. i used to write lengthy entries detailing exactly how i would feel, which, in some of my worst moments, would include a list of all the things that make me abhor myself, or even more morbid stuff. but i then was like is this really helping?? and i reached a similar conclusion than yours: not really
i still keep muy journal, but for organization and keepsake purposes. however i have stopped compulsively writing whenever i feel sad or mad or unhappy. i think it's for the best
At first I resented the therapist who told me to “limit negative self-talk” because I was like, self-deprecation is my entire personality. Turns out he was right!!
Yes! I read a quote here on substack that made me realize that self deprecation was some sort of comfort practice for me: it was something like "who despises themselves , secretly admires themselves as the one who despises". It's a Nietzsche paraphrase.
It's not easy to not hate oneself ever, but now I try to at least not soak up in all that self hate and not to celebrate my hater (me) by giving her too much space for those thoughts.
I was thinking similar thoughts just this morning. I journaled from 16-21 and again from 25-28 and while I enjoy the practise, I noticed a cycle I don’t like: the more I’m unhappy at any one time, the more I journal. To the point it becomes a comfort of my day that feels unmovable and inhibits me from doing the shit that would fix my issues.
I hate it when people overdo the romanticisation of their own pain so idk why I’ve allowed myself to do the same thing
regarding the last line: don't be so harsh on yourself!! you've probably allowed it because journaling is commonly advertised as a nothing but positive practice, or because we do have a tendency to wallow in our pain sometimes.
I actually asked my therapist if I should try to journal more when I’m happy and she was like no, you don’t want to make it into something you feel like you *have* to do. That’s not to say that I won’t return to it someday; it’s just not helping me rn.
I’m glad you identified that pattern tho. I think it’s so easy to get sucked into a habit, and just being aware that it’s maybe counterintuitive is the first step toward changing it.
Yeah, I’ve never felt pressured to journal (and you should avoid doing it out of obligation) but it’s more like it’s become a comfortable habit that I lean towards more when I feel crappy. It feels ‘good’ in the same way scrolling TikTok does. Like in the back of your head you’re like ‘this isn’t actually helping I need to just get up and fix my shit.’ Def gonna snap out of it now I’ve clocked the issue
I really relate to this and your journal entries could have been written by a younger me. Every time I look in an old journal it’s just negative thoughts and self-talk on a loop, like a totally different person was writing. I think we tend to journal more when we’re feeling bad in an attempt to figure out what’s wrong with us and strategise a solution, but it means that all the entries are just grim 😓 meanwhile my happiest times are never documented
hey! thanks for sharing. such an interesting topic.
i too have recently questioned my urge to journal the bad things that happen to me. i used to write lengthy entries detailing exactly how i would feel, which, in some of my worst moments, would include a list of all the things that make me abhor myself, or even more morbid stuff. but i then was like is this really helping?? and i reached a similar conclusion than yours: not really
i still keep muy journal, but for organization and keepsake purposes. however i have stopped compulsively writing whenever i feel sad or mad or unhappy. i think it's for the best
At first I resented the therapist who told me to “limit negative self-talk” because I was like, self-deprecation is my entire personality. Turns out he was right!!
Yes! I read a quote here on substack that made me realize that self deprecation was some sort of comfort practice for me: it was something like "who despises themselves , secretly admires themselves as the one who despises". It's a Nietzsche paraphrase.
It's not easy to not hate oneself ever, but now I try to at least not soak up in all that self hate and not to celebrate my hater (me) by giving her too much space for those thoughts.
I was thinking similar thoughts just this morning. I journaled from 16-21 and again from 25-28 and while I enjoy the practise, I noticed a cycle I don’t like: the more I’m unhappy at any one time, the more I journal. To the point it becomes a comfort of my day that feels unmovable and inhibits me from doing the shit that would fix my issues.
I hate it when people overdo the romanticisation of their own pain so idk why I’ve allowed myself to do the same thing
regarding the last line: don't be so harsh on yourself!! you've probably allowed it because journaling is commonly advertised as a nothing but positive practice, or because we do have a tendency to wallow in our pain sometimes.
I actually asked my therapist if I should try to journal more when I’m happy and she was like no, you don’t want to make it into something you feel like you *have* to do. That’s not to say that I won’t return to it someday; it’s just not helping me rn.
I’m glad you identified that pattern tho. I think it’s so easy to get sucked into a habit, and just being aware that it’s maybe counterintuitive is the first step toward changing it.
Yeah, I’ve never felt pressured to journal (and you should avoid doing it out of obligation) but it’s more like it’s become a comfortable habit that I lean towards more when I feel crappy. It feels ‘good’ in the same way scrolling TikTok does. Like in the back of your head you’re like ‘this isn’t actually helping I need to just get up and fix my shit.’ Def gonna snap out of it now I’ve clocked the issue
Thank you for writing this. As someone with OCD, it deeply resonated with me in a way I have not experienced before. 🩷
gorgeous work. reminds me of a really cool novel i read last year called 'memory piece' by lisa ko!
I really relate to this and your journal entries could have been written by a younger me. Every time I look in an old journal it’s just negative thoughts and self-talk on a loop, like a totally different person was writing. I think we tend to journal more when we’re feeling bad in an attempt to figure out what’s wrong with us and strategise a solution, but it means that all the entries are just grim 😓 meanwhile my happiest times are never documented
miriam the GOAT
RIP